I feel guilty taking time to care for myself as the caregiver of a loved one with mental illness. What can I do?

If you feel guilty taking care of yourself when your loved one is not well themselves, know that you are not alone. This is a common feeling among caregivers, and it can make it tough to prioritize your own health and well-being.

It’s important to remember that self-care as a caregiver is not selfish. Take a moment to consider the following ideas:

Your life, well-being, and opportunity to thrive are just as important as anyone else’s life, well-being, and opportunity to thrive
When you take good care of yourself, you put yourself in a better position to help your loved one because you are more resilient to stress
When you take good care of yourself, you model healthful choices for your loved one and others in your life

Below are several steps you can take to prioritize your own wellness as a caregiver without guilty feelings getting in the way.

Give yourself permission to share

There is a lot of stigma and misinformation about mental illness, so your friends and family might now know what the caregiving experience is like unless you have told them. Consider sharing with those you trust about how you are feeling.

If it's comfortable for you, sharing both the hardships and triumphs that come with caregiving may be helpful. Your hard-fought wins represent all the love and hard work that goes into being a caregiver, and they don’t make the pain or challenges you experience as a caregiver any less real.

Ask your friends and family for practical help so you can get a break

Consider asking friends and family for some practical help so that you can take a break to care for yourself. You might be surprised to find that people in your life are willing and ready to help when they know you need it.

Practical help from a friend or family member might look like:

Spending some time with your loved one at home while you take care of yourself or have some fun
Giving your loved one a ride to their appointment so there’s one less thing you need to do that day
Video calling your loved one or having a virtual movie/game night so you can do something to relax

Explore respite care options

Respite is planned or emergency care provided to a child or adult with special needs, including a mental illness, to provide temporary relief to family caregivers.

The ARCH National Respite Network and Resource Center helps families locate respite and crisis care services in their communities. ARCH also includes a National Respite Locator on their website to help caregivers and professionals locate respite services in their community.

Explore whether your loved one may benefit from joining a Clubhouse program

Helping your loved one get involved in meaningful activities will free up time and energy you can use to focus on your own health and wellness.

Clubhouses and Consumer Run Drop-in Centers (CRDIs) offer a support system for people living with serious mental illness. These centers provide opportunities for friendship, work training and placement, and educational opportunities in a caring, supported environment.  

Clubhouse International offers an online locator to find a clubhouse program in your area. You may also find a clubhouse program by reaching out to your local NAMI Affiliate or community behavioral health service.

Attend a caregiving support group

No one knows what it’s like to be a caregiver unless they’ve been there themselves. Consider attending a support group with other caregivers where you can get social support, tips, and practical advice from others who have been in your shoes.

NAMI Family Support Group is a peer-led support group for any adult with a loved one who has experienced symptoms of a mental health condition. By attending a NAMI Family Support Group, you can gain insight from the challenges and successes of others facing similar experiences. Contact your local NAMI Affiliate organization to find a NAMI Family Support Group near you.

Treatment Advocacy Center hosts a free 8-week training to explore ambiguous loss. Attendees talk about how to cope with the complex grief that can come with having serious mental illness in your family. The training is offered in a limited cohort group with whom you may exchange support and ideas for staying well. You can contact Treatment Advocacy Center at advocacy@tac.org for information about participating in their next training cohort.

Many local hospital systems and care organizations offer caregiving support groups. Consider searching “Caregiver Support Group [your city] [your state]” to find a support group near you.

Get creative about your self-care practice

Self-care as a caregiver often requires you to be creative – to find small moments of respite, fun, and meaning-making in the midst of your caregiving duties.

Check out the NAMI HelpLine Knowledge Article What can I do to take care of myself as a caregiver of a loved one living with mental illness? for creative ideas you can use for your own self-care practice.

Talk to a mental health professional

If guilty feelings constantly get in the way of taking steps to care for yourself, consider speaking with a mental health professional. A mental health professional can help you better understand your emotions, redefine expectations of what it means to care for yourself, and help you stay accountable for practicing self-care until it becomes easier to do on your own.

Hours of operation: Monday-Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m. EST

Call: 800-950-NAMI (6264)

Text: 62640

Email: helpline@nami.org

Website: www.nami.org/help