I have a child with behavior challenges. How can I get help and support?
We empathize with how overwhelming it can be to support children and teens whose behaviors are sometimes challenging, dangerous, or disruptive to themselves and those around them. While disagreements with parents and authority figures are typical for adolescents and teens, extreme physical or verbal aggression, complete refusal to follow rules and norms put in place by parents, chronic school truancy, and engaging in criminal behavior such as theft or assault is not.
Parents of children with behavior challenges may feel isolated – like no one understands. They may have tried many different strategies to address their child’s behavior to no avail, or they may have well-meaning friends and families who weigh in with conflicting advice about how their child’s behavior should be managed. We’re here to tell you that you are not alone and that both you and your child deserve support. We hope the information and resources below will be of some help.
Understanding Behavioral Challenges
Behavioral challenges can come with many different conditions including but not limited to intellectual disabilities like attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorder (ASD), mental health conditions like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depressive disorder, traumatic stress reactions, or even physical health conditions like traumatic brain injury (TBI).
Some youth with chronic behavior challenges may be diagnosed with disruptive behavior disorders like oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder; however, it's important that families seek an evaluation from a mental health professional to rule out the many other factors that could contribute to their child or teen’s behavioral challenges.
A helpful place to start may be scheduling an appointment with your child’s primary care provider. They can rule out any physical health challenges that may impact the child’s behavior and refer you to a psychiatrist and/or therapist in the area for further evaluation and diagnosis.
Working with a Mental Health Professional
Regardless of what diagnosis your child or teen receives, working with a mental health professional can help your family better understand what may be driving their behavior. A mental health professional can also help your child learn strategies to get their needs met without compromising the safety and well-being of themselves and others. This can take some time - your child or teen might need to build a sense of trust and safety with the mental health professional before they’re ready to make any major changes.
When searching for a therapist, consider seeking a mental health professional who specializes in family therapy, parent management training, and/or has experience working with children and teens with behavior challenges.
If your child’s challenging behaviors show up at school, talk with the therapist about whether they can coordinate with school staff to ensure supportive strategies are put in place consistently, at home and at school, as much as possible. They may also work with school staff to determine if your child qualifies for and would benefit from an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or 504 Plan to support their success in school. Learn more about school accommodations by visiting NAMI’s webpage Getting Your Child Mental Health Support and Accommodations in School.
Learning the Basics
Learning about how mental health conditions impact children and teens can help you foster a more positive relationship with your child by better understanding their behavior and needs. NAMI’s Kids, Teens and Young Adults, Family Members and Caregivers, and Mental Health Conditions webpages are good places to start learning about mental health conditions, treatment options, and strategies for managing the impact of those conditions on your child and family. These webpages also contain information about taking care of yourself and seeking support as the caregiver of a loved one that lives with a mental health condition.
Another way to learn about children’s mental health is to participate in a NAMI Basics education course. NAMI Basics is a free, 6-session education program for parents, caregivers and other family who provide care for youth (ages 22 and younger) experiencing mental health symptoms. Participants learn about mental health conditions, mental health professionals, and resources, as well as how to advocate for your child’s rights at school, how to prepare for and respond to crisis situations, and strategies for taking care of yourself.
The program is available in person at many local NAMI affiliates. It's also available virtually as NAMI Basics OnDemand. A Spanish-language version of the program, Bases y Fundamentos de NAMI, is available at some NAMI affiliates.
Finding a Supportive Community
Having a supportive community that understands the challenges you and your family face can make all the difference. We encourage you to join a support group or explore other avenues to connect with parents navigating similar challenges with their children. Support groups can help you learn new strategies, become familiar with treatment resources in your community, and connect with people who can offer hope and compassion on difficult days.
NAMI Family Support Group is a peer-led support group for any adult with a loved one who has experienced symptoms of a mental health condition. Participants foster a sense of community and gain insight from the challenges and successes of others facing similar experiences. Contact your local NAMI to find a NAMI Family Support Group near you.
DailyStrength is a division of Sharecare that serves as a social network where users provide one another with emotional support. The site contains 500+ online communities that deal with different medical and mental health conditions. Examples of group topics include oppositional defiant disorder, parents of children with ADHD, and pyromania.
Residential Treatment
Some children experience severe symptoms that may require a higher level of care than outpatient programs can provide. NAMI’s Residential Treatment webpage provides a thorough overview of residential treatment programs for children and teens, including signs that residential treatment may be appropriate for your child and an overview of typical inpatient treatment structure. The webpage has suggestions for accessing and paying for a residential treatment program since many of these programs are private and not covered by insurance.
To learn if there are publicly funded residential treatment options in your area, we encourage you to visit the SAMHSA Treatment Locator at findtreatment.gov. SAMHSA is a federal agency that provides referrals for treatment facilities. You can reach SAMHSA at (800) 662-4357; Spanish-language calls are accepted. Once you have identified a provider, contact your insurance company to verify coverage.
To find a private residential treatment facility in your area, you can search online for “teen residential treatment in [county] [state]”. If you do not find facilities in your area, you may need to broaden your search to the state level.
Preparing for a Crisis
If your child lives with a condition that involves frequent mental health crises, or they regularly engage in behaviors that put them at risk of harming themselves or others, we encourage you to have a crisis plan in place. NAMI’s Preparing for a Crisis Guide and Getting Treatment During a Crisis webpages are helpful resources for planning in advance for a crisis.
If your child will soon be turning 18, consider working with them to fill out a Psychiatric Advanced Directive (PAD) and ensure they have signed a release of information (ROI) for you to continue being involved with their treatment. Taking these steps may make it easier to obtain information, support in the treatment planning process, and take steps to keep your child safe in the event of a mental health crisis or psychiatric hospitalization.
Other Helpful Resources
American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Facts for Families Guide provides up-to-date information on issues that affect children, teenagers, and their families. The website lists several fact sheets that may be helpful for parents of children experiencing behavioral challenges like Lying and Children, Temper Tantrums, Violent Behavior in Children and Adolescents, and more.
ADDitude is a print and online magazine that offers hundreds of resources, screening tools, and informational materials for individuals with ADHD and their families. ADDitude’s ADHD Parenting webpages include Behavior & Discipline and Parenting the Difficult Child, each of which contain helpful tips and strategies for supporting a child or teen with behavior challenges.
The ARCH National Respite Network and Resource Center helps families locate respite and crisis care services in their communities. Respite is planned or emergency care provided to a child or adult with special needs, including a mental illness, to provide temporary relief to family caregivers. ARCH also includes a National Respite Locator on their website to help caregivers and professionals locate respite services in their community.
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Email: helpline@nami.org